Is it wrong that everytime the clock heads towards midnight on the 31st of December I wonder if the approaching year is the one that will be forever documented on my gravestone?
For a rather stupid reason I have always internally believed I would die young, specifically sometime before my 30th birthday - my birthday is between Christmas and New Year and so since turning 18 I have kind of morbid thoughts based on what is really sweet FA that are particually haunting during that particular week, but without fail I have so far avoided my imaginary doom and every January 1st I hang up the new calandar my mother gave me for christmas up on the wall and vow that since I have another 12 months ahead of me I will wisely use the time to get organised, get fit and do more with the children.
I think a lot of this young death fear is based on something I was told by a psychic when I was a teenager - I cant remember her exact words but it was along the lines of "You dont need to live a very long life, you will live a full life, you will marry have children and complete your wants and needs before you come of age." Its the come of age thing that gets me - what exactly does that mean? I remember leaving baby Buzz with my MIL and going out on the town for my 18th, somewhat convinced I would die in a car crash that very night - here I am 10 years on, still kicking.
That psychic probably shouldn't have said what she did - she looked a little awkward after like she knew she shouldn't have said it and tried to be all rosy about other things, but I never got it out of my head and in some respects it has been a blessing - I no longer fear death itself, I see it as a completion of life and I have made a number of big and wonderful decisions (like moving to the country) that I may have otherwise put off.
So Im 28 now. Will I RIP 2013 or 2014? Most likely neither, but just incase I have to say that now the big 3-0 is creeping up on me I will make a different resolution this year, this year I am going to LIVE my life, and try and find the GOOD in as much as I can, I will STOP and smell the roses, I will LOVE with my whole heart and LET GO of my frustrations and FORGIVE those who have hurt me as much as I possibly can and I AM going to eat chocolate!
What are your New Years Resolutions?